sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
