spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
