she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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