Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
