if i can run in heels then i can drive
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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