i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize