dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
