I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
