what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
