No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
