Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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