cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
