i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
