I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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