I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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