Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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