Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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