I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
