so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
