In America we eat man semen.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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