i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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