At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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