She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
