sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
