That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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