I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
