So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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