I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
