And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I want her autograph on my taint
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
