All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
