I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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