she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
