I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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