Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
