This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize