So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
