you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
