Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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