i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
