My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize