living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
