I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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