Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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