So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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