so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
