Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
