maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
