not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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