bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
