I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
