Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
