in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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