i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Randomize
