Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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