In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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