Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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