The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
