So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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