Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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