Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
