Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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