Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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