Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize