We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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