Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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