Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize