I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
