I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
