i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize