Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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