So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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