Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize