I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
