the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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