I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
