Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
NoShamevember. You game?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
