I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
