Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
