we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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