that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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