Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
