I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
