Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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