I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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