But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
