i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
