I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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