Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
