DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
