he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
