wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
