these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
