Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
