The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
